A Charlie Brown Christmas
[Charlie Brown and Linus return with the puny little tree]
Violet: Boy, are you stupid, Charlie Brown.
Patty: What kind of a tree is that?
Lucy Van Pelt: You were supposed to get a *good* tree. Can’t you even tell a good tree from a poor tree?
Violet: I told you he’d goof it up. He isn’t the kind you can depend on to do anything right.
Patty: You’re hopeless, Charlie Brown.
Frieda: Completely hopeless
Charlie Brown: [upset] Rats!
Lucy Van Pelt: You’ve been dumb before, Charlie Brown, but this time, you really did it.
[pause; then everyone bursts out laughing]
Lucy Van Pelt: [laughing] What a tree!
A Christmas Story
Mother: All right. Now, are you ready to tell me where you heard that word?
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Now, I had heard that word at least ten times a day from my old man. He worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium; a master. But, I chickened out and said the first name that came to mind.
Clark: Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I’d like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where’s the Tylenol?
John McClane: You throw quite a party. I didn’t realize they celebrated Christmas in Japan.
Joseph Takagi: Hey, we’re flexible. Pearl Harbor didn’t work out so we got you with tape decks.
Gangster Johnny (TV): Hey! I tell you what I’m gonna give you, Snakes. I’m gonna give you to the count of 10 to get your ugly, yellow, no-good keister off my property before I pump your guts full of lead! One, two, ten! [machine gun fire] Keep the change, you filthy animal!
How the Grinch Stole Christmas
Narrator: He puzzled and puzzed till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before. Maybe Christmas, he thought… doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas, perhaps… means a little bit more!
It’s a Wonderful Life
George Bailey: Dear Father in heaven, I’m not a praying man, but if you’re up there and you can hear me [begins crying] show me the way… show me the way.
Miracle on 34th Street
Susan: I believe… I believe… It’s silly, but I believe.
The Muppet Christmas Carol
Gonzo: Hello! Welcome to the Muppet Christmas Carol! I am here to tell the story.
Rizzo the Rat: And I am here for the food.
The Nightmare Before Christmas
Jack Skellington: Forgive me, Mr. Claus. I’m afraid I’ve made a terrible mess of your holiday.
Santa: Bumpy *sleigh*-ride… Jack. Next time you get the urge to take over someone else’s holiday, I’d listen to *her*.
[points to Sally]
Santa: She’s the only one who makes any sense around this insane asylum!
[walks away, muttering]
Santa: Skeletons, boogie men…
Jack Skellington: I hope there’s still time.
Santa: To fix Christmas? Of course there is! I’m Santa Claus!
[flies out chimney]
The Polar Express
The Conductor: Seeing is believing, but sometimes the most real things in the world are the things we can’t see.
Rudolph, the Red Nosed Reindeer
Hermey: Hey, what do you say we both be independent together, huh?
Rudolph: You wouldn’t mind my – red nose?
Hermey: Not if you don’t mind me being a dentist.
Rudolph: [shaking hands with Hermey] It’s a deal.
Bernard the Elf: The Santa Clause: In putting on this suit and entering the sleigh, the wearer waives any and all rights to any previous identity, real or implied, and fully accepts the duties and responsibilities of Santa Claus, in perpetuity until such time that the wearer becomes unable to do so, by either accident or design.
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Jacob Marley: I wear the chain I forged in life! I made it link by link and yard by yard! I gartered it on of my own free will and by my own free will, I wore it! …. It is required of every man that the spirit within him should walk abroad among his fellow men! If it goes not forth in life, it is condemned to do so after death! It is doomed to wander through the world! Oh, woe is me! And witness what it cannot share but MIGHT HAVE SHARED on Earth and turned to happiness!
The Star Wars Holiday Special
George Lucas: The special from 1978 really didn’t have much to do with us, you know. I can’t remember what network it was on, but it was a thing that they did. We kind of let them do it. It was done by… I can’t even remember who the group was, but they were variety TV guys. We let them use the characters and stuff and that probably wasn’t the smartest thing to do, but you learn from those experiences.
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Frank Cunha III
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Earlier this year I interviewed my kids while testing my new microphone. The interview features a special song by Frankie Jr. (FC4).
It made for a wonderful Father’s Day gift.